Why Nonviolent!? Aren't most of us already nonviolent?

I often get asked why the term nonviolent, and it seems to be a block for some people who don't see themselves as "violent" so they don't need to learn to be "nonviolent". Most of us have been educated our whole lives to think and speak in ways that cause harm to ourselves and to others. We often judge, criticize, blame, and diagnose others, avoiding taking responsibility for our thoughts and actions. This hurts us and causes damage to our relationships, the very relationships that we claim are the most important to us!

Nonviolent communication invites us to look at how we think and provides a framework to think and speak differently, creating connection and understanding rather than more pain and disconnection.

People often have a hard time with the word nonviolent because we often associate violence with physical violence, and we don't want to think of ourselves as having been violent. Passive violence causes emotional pain and harm. Nonviolent communication teaches a process to be able to take responsibility for our feelings and needs and how to express them appropriately without violent words or actions. Nonviolence in NVC is getting grounded and staying true to your values.

Marshall Rosenberg (founder of NVC) used nonviolence "as Ghandi used it - to refer to our natural state of compassion when violence has subsided from the heart." Nonviolent Communication teaches how to communicate compassionately in a way that we give from the heart.

So I ask the person who thinks they are not violent: do you think violent or judgemental thoughts of others? Do you blame others for your feelings or problems? Do you think violent or judgemental thoughts of yourself? I find we are often more cruel to ourselves than we would ever be to anyone else. In NVC this is also violence. Can you totally stop having judgemental thoughts? No, because they are a part of keeping us safe at a basic level, but we can question our thoughts, reduce the amount of judgemental thoughts, and we can become more aware of our thoughts.